Should we be referring to the people caring for a foster child as foster carers, or as foster parents? It seems like a trivial matter, but that is not necessarily the case. As we have seen in a previous blog (you can find it HERE) language can make a big difference in how things are perceived, how much cooperation you can expect, and even how people act.
Language definitely does matter. And in some cases, like in that of the blog mentioned before, the situation is relatively straight forward: it becomes clear that a certain word or terminology has negative connotations for many people and that most people respond better to a different term. That is simple enough, you need to become aware of it, but when you are you simply adjust the language you use.
Unfortunately, it is not always as simple as that. And I was struck by this particularly during the IFCO seminar in London last month. First I heard the talks by Jackie Sanders of the Fostering Network and Daniel Douglas, president of IFCO, both of whom lauded the development in the UK of the people caring for foster children no longer being called foster parents, but rather foster carers.
They explained that this was significant, because while still being called foster parents, people felt like they were dismissed as ‘merely being parents’ and they were not being taken seriously by other professionals. Providing foster care requires a lot of training and those caring for a foster child often have a lot of important insight and information into the child’s needs, strengthens and challenges that should be taken into account when making care decisions. By calling these people foster carers, it is felt that they are given more of a professional title that acknowledges their insight and expertise and helps them be taken more seriously by professionals from other support services.
This sounded to me like a very plausible line of reasoning and I made a mental note to take this on board. Having been involved in foster care mostly in an international context rather than in the UK context, I have always used ‘foster parents’, and I felt that given this information I should reflect on whether I should adjust that.
So far, simple enough. However, then we got a talk from Billie-Jo McDowell, who is a social worker, an IFCO Youth Member and who has experienced the UK foster care system from the inside. She gave us an insight into the foster care system from the perspective of a former foster child and brought up a lot of very interesting points. However, in the light of my newly acquired awareness of the need to call those caring for a foster child ‘foster carers’, I was particularly struck by one particular things she said.
Billie-Jo argued that the term foster carer should be changed to foster parent, because for children in foster care, it is very important that the family aspect of the arrangement is emphasised. They need to know that they belong somewhere, that they are part of a family, that they are loved. And while using the term foster carer might bring people caring for a foster child semantically closer to other professionals, allowing them to better advocate for the child in their care, in effect it can widen a semantic gap between the carers and the child. Because the child wants and needs to have parents.
This is a really complicated situation. Because both sides of the issue bring arguments that are hard to dismiss. And yet, it is not possible to act on both at the same time. So, in this I cannot offer you a solution, only food for thought. Language matters, we need to be conscious of the effect of our words, but sometimes there is no black and white answer to which is the better option.
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