As I gradually gained a more detailed understanding of the effects of institutionalisation on children and exactly how attachment works, I have started to realise that human beings are wired for addiction. It is part of our basic development and survival. When development happens the way it is supposed to, addiction is a great strength and support, it helps us survive. When it does not, it can become a major hurdle and can destroy us.
The way babies learn to form attachments to their caregivers is essentially entirely based on establishing an addiction. When a baby receives reliable, responsive, nurturing care, every time a dependable caregiver comes in response to their expression of distress, fixes what is wrong (by feeding, changing, or comforting the baby) and helps the baby calm down, there is a release of hormones that make the baby feel happy, that create a craving for more of this feeling and that create an association between the person who reliably comes to make things better and the joy of feeling better. This is the basis of learning to form attachments: building an association between the happiness that comes from not feeling distressed anymore and the person who reliably causes that feeling. The baby essentially builds an addiction to their reliable caregiver(s). This is also why they get distressed when they are separated from their primary caregiver(s).
As the child grows and has experienced a number of different relationships, which all brought pleasure in some way, the addiction widens. It is not only an addiction to a specific person anymore (though that also continues), it is also an addiction to social interaction and relationships. The brain has become wired to crave social interactions and relationships, because these cause release of hormones that cause pleasure and craving.
During the COVID-19 pandemic and its various lockdowns, we have experienced that we do not do well when we are deprived of opportunities for social interactions. Seen in the light of actually being deprived of something we are addicted to, that is not so surprising. We also – even as adults – experience extreme pain when we have to separate – in whatever way – from someone we love very much, someone we have become addicted to, whether a friend, a child, a parent or a romantic partner.
However, not all children have the opportunity to learn to form attachments at the start of their lives. Children who have been neglected, children who are cared for by constantly changing caregivers, children who receive food but no one responds when they indicate distress, children who are left lying in their beds all day, in institutions. These children have not had the opportunity to experience reliable, responsive, nurturing care. They did not have the experience of repeatedly and reliably having their problems solved, their distress calmed and then receiving the hormones that cause a sense of pleasure in response.
In short, their brain has not had the opportunity to become wired to find social interaction pleasant or enjoyable. They did not become addicted to a particular person or to social interaction. However, their brain is still primed to establish an addiction. It has been shown that children and adults with attachment disorders are more vulnerable to becoming addicted to a wide range of harmful substances or behaviours. When the ‘good addiction’ is absent, it leaves a hole that tends to be filled with ‘bad addictions.’
People who have trouble forming attachments and/or do not derive pleasure from social interaction and relationships have been found to have a bigger response – so a greater high – to addictive stimuli, such as alcohol, drugs, fatty or sweet foods, gambling, excessive gaming, promiscuous sex etc. Studies have also found that actual addiction to these things sets in faster than in people without attachment disorders. So, there is both a greater susceptibility and a greater high caused by addictive stimulation in this situation.
This presents another reason to ensure that children grow up in families and receive the reliable, responsive, nurturing care they need for proper brain development. And for the development of ‘good addiction’, leaving less room for ‘bad addiction.
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