When alternative care is discussed or arranged – no matter whether it is family-based or institutional – in many cases thoughts only reach as far as the child’s 18th birthday. At that point the child is no longer a child, she has become an adult. And so, the obligation to provide care, whether under the law or under Child Rights, disappears into a puff of smoke.
In far too many cases and countries care provisions and support end on that very day. The child is waved off at the door of the institution, or made to move out of her foster family, and is expected to take care of herself now.
This is too much to ask of a young adult. Although they are not technically a child anymore, that does not mean that they are equipped to suddenly take on the world on their own. Children who have grown up in their own family, generally do not (nor are they expected to) leave home on their 18th birthday, without a backward glance.
Most young adults who have grown up in their own family do leave home somewhere between age 18 and 25. But the first steps out into the world are tentative. They still very much depend on the support of their family. In some cases financially, but in almost all cases there is a need for advice on how to handle the things that the world throws at them – anything from how to work a washing machine, to how to pay utility bills, to how to deal with a difficult boss, to how to approach someone who seems attractive. On top of this practical support, young adults quite simply need to know that there is a place where they can go to, where they will feel welcome, accepted and loved, where they can feel secure and relax for a while before heading out to face it all again.
In a lot of ways, the process of making the first steps into the world independently, are not so dissimilar to a toddler taking her first physical steps, moving away from her mother gradually. In both cases, the first steps are daunting and after a first venture away, there is a quick dash back, to ensure that the secure base is still present. When the sense of security has been restored, the child heads out again, a little bit longer and a little bit further. And so on… Over time, the independence of both the toddler and the young adult grow and the need to go back for reassurance and advice becomes less. The dashes back are gradually fewer and further apart. Until dashes back to absorb the sense of security, change into simple visits to maintain the relationship.
Without the opportunity to make the transition to independence gradual, young adults will find it much harder to cope. This will mean that they are less likely to succeed, they are more likely to develop mental health problems and they will be more vulnerable to a wide range of destructive influences.
Caring for a child until her 18th birthday and then pushing her out on her own is likely to undo much of the good you have done by caring for her up to that point. It is irresponsible. So, more thought and action should be put into providing support for care-leavers.
In the next blog, I will cover some of the ways in which such support can be provided.
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