At the Trauma Informed Practice Conference, in Birmingham in September, Caryn Onions presented the achievements and approach of The Mulberry Bush, a therapeutic residential school for children who are severely traumatised, in Oxford. I was very impressed by what they are accomplishing at the Mulberry Bush, and I was particularly struck by their approach to the children’s challenging behaviour.
Children who have experienced traumatic events, who have been neglected and/or who have been unable to form secure attachments with dependable adults, will start to exhibit challenging behaviour at some point down the line, if they are not provided with the support needed to process and overcome their challenging background. Sometimes this challenging behaviour may start quite soon after the traumatic experience, while at other times it may be several years until the child starts becoming disruptive.
The challenging behaviour can take a wide variety of forms. It can be disruptive behaviour, it can be using bad language, it can be violent or destructive behaviour, it can be a tendency to run away from situations the child is struggling to cope with, it can be something that looks like ADHD, and it can even include self-harm. All of this is behaviour also regularly seen in children who have been growing up in an institutions. This is not surprising, because essentially neglect and lack of opportunity for attachment are inherent in the institutional residential care system, and there is an increased risk of a wide range of other traumatic experiences as well.
People unfamiliar with trauma informed care will often complain that the children are misbehaving and that they are ‘bad’. Children are reprimanded or punished for their behaviour and encouraged or forced to suppress it. However, in the meantime, no one looks at the underlying reasons for the behaviour. And the child feels worse and worse, which over time will also lead to worse, and possibly even dangerous behaviour.
It is important to understand that the child is not choosing to behave in this way. It is the stress caused by the unresolved trauma and/or the lack of coping mechanisms due to the neglect and lack of secure attachment that make the child unable to control herself. She is unable to self-regulate.
Children who grow up with their own parents in a situation where they are safe and are able to bond with their parents, learn (without noticing it) how to self-regulate their emotions and their behaviour. This starts with co-regulation, where a trusted adult is around to help soothe the baby when she is upset. And through co-regulation, gradually the child learns self-regulation.
In situations of neglect and lack of attachment – for example a baby who is always simply left to cry – the child may never have experienced co-regulation and therefore has not been able to develop self-regulation. And a child who did have a good start and has learned to self-regulate, but who then goes through a traumatic experience such as abuse or loss, may have lost the ability to trust and the ability to manage her stress levels in order to still be capable of self-regulation.
As Caryn Onions told us, at the Mulberry Bush children are not told not to use bad language and they are not encouraged to suppress their behaviour. Rather their behaviour is seen as a form of communication, at a time when the child is unable to put into words what is bothering her and is unable to self-regulate. The staff make sure that the children are safe, they will stop them from being a danger to themselves or those around them. However, beyond that, they allow the children to communicate through their behaviour and try to help them to find the words to communicate what is making them behave that way, at that particular moment.
They also recognise that while bad language is unpleasant and not socially acceptable, it is a better way of venting frustration and anger than violent behaviour. And over time, by allowing the children to express themselves while keeping them safe, by helping them find a way to express themselves with words and by providing them with the counselling they need to be able to cope with the trauma that they have experienced, the behaviour gradually becomes more manageable. Until the children are able to go to regular schools again.
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