At the IFCO seminar in London, early last month, Billie-Jo McDowell, who is a social worker, an IFCO Youth Member, and someone who has personally experienced being in alternative care, gave a presentation to provide insights from a different perspective. Although everyone involved in setting up and running social and child protection systems does their best to ensure that children’s needs are being met and that their best interest is kept at the centre of their care, in the end they do not have the same understanding of what it is to be in alternative care as someone who has actually experienced it.
It is important to listen to the children themselves and to adults who were in that situation as children to make sure that we do not unintentially overlook important issues. From the outside it is not always easy to truly understand the impact of certain situations on a child.
One of the things that Ms McDowell stressed was the need for a sense of belonging. Just like children who live in their family, foster children need to feel that they are part of something and that they belong to someone. This needs to more than just having a bedroom in someone’s house. Someone else quoted a different care experienced young adult that day, saying: ‘home is where I am welcome to come spend the holidays and where I want to spend the holidays.’ This needs to include a sense of acceptance and of feeling that you are part of the family.
Another issue raised was that children need help to make sure that they do not end up feeling stigmatised or worth less because they are foster children. This is both important and tricky to make sure of. Because mention of foster care in the media and by the public is mostly focussed on when things go wrong and on poorer outcomes for children in alternative care than for those who grew up in their family. Similarly, social workers are largely focussed on dealing with challenges and problems, so discussions about the child (and with the child) generally revolve around that. This means that a particular effort needs to be made to help prevent the child from internalising this sense of ‘being a problem’, and help them see themselves and the fact that they are foster children in a positive light.
As mentioned in a previous blog (which you can find HERE), Ms McDowell brought up the importance to move away from seeing foster parents as professionals in charge of a child, and towards a real sense of family with parents, closeness and affection. This is partly down to language used, partly down to attitude and in part also down to to what extent foster parents are allowed to really take on the role of surrogate parents.
In the UK, at the moment, there is a strong trend of risk aversion. Something that at first sight might seem like a good thing, after all it is aimed at keeping children safe. However, it seems like at times it is applied blindly and in fact can lead to various serious consequences. In a way it seems to amount to running away blindly from one risk, only to run straight into something else with equally or more serious consequences. This is something that has been pointed out to me on various separate occasions over the past six months, and which I have come to see as a major problem.
One example that was mentioned to me previously was that children were not allowed to hold snow ball fights, for fear of their injuring themselves or others. While there are minor risks of injury in snow ball fights, at a time when there is a problem with obesity in children and children not getting enough exercise and time outdoors, is it really a good idea to forbid them such an attractive, energetic outdoor activity? With the result likely being that the child goes indoors to sit down behind a screen with some snacks again? Are we really saying that this is better for their health?
Ms Dowell brought up another example, during her presentation, which also tied in with the need to allow foster parents to take parental responsibility. She referenced that fact that because of risk aversion, foster parents are not allowed to for example authorise a play date at a friends house or a sleep over without approval from a social worker. And the social worker needs advance notice to do the required background checks to be able to authorise something like this. This means that a last minute invitation – such as all children get from time to time and as all parents are able to use their own judgement to decide whether the child should be allowed to attend – can never be accepted. And this can have serious repercussions for the child, not just because she is deprived of taking part in social activities with her peers, but also because this kind of thing can lead to bullying. Again, in what way are we keeping her safe, by doing this?
I found Ms McDowell’s presentation very insighful and hope that as we get more care experienced adults on the inside of the social workforce and involved in policy making, and that this will help to adjust the services and policies to better fit children’s needs.
Please share this blog to help spread awareness.
