Children Need to Have a Say

Children’s voices and opinions are left out of the decision-making process in alternative care far too often. Even when we are talking about decisions that have an enormous impact and will cause big changes in a child’s life. More often than not, children are not even asked for their opinion on what they think would be a good solution, or on what they do and do not want. And if a child courageously tries to make themselves heard, they are often silenced or drowned out.

Child participation is essential in determining what is in the child’s best interest, when making decisions to do with alternative care, as well as when making other important decisions in a child’s life. If the child is not given a say, then essential information is missing, making it impossible to make fully informed decisions.

Child participation means: 1) To keep a child informed of what is happening and why, and of what plans are being made, what changes are coming up and why they will be the way they will be, in a way that is appropriate to the child’s age and level of understanding.

2) To ask a child what they feel would be a good solution and what outcome would have their preference, while explaining clearly that their suggestions and preferences will be taken into account, but will not always match the final outcome.

3) To make a decision taking into account the information and preferences given by the child, trying to find a way to accommodate those preferences. And 4) To explain to the child what decision has been made, why this was decided – and, if relevant, why the solution preferred by the child was not possible – and what this will mean for what happens next.

Some adults feel that child participation is just a form of indulging a child by letting them say something. And many think that only children with a certain level of understanding, so from a certain age, can make a meaningful contribution. Neither of these things are actually true.

Children of any age and level of understanding are able to make a contribution, if they are listened to and addressed appropriately for their level of development. While a three-year-old will not be able to discuss the relative advantages of one type of placement over another one with you, if you tell him ‘do you want to go live with your uncle’ and the child starts crying and screaming ‘no, he hurts me’, that is pretty important information to take into account.

As for it being an indulgence… It has been shown again and again that placements that were decided on with the input of the child in question tend to be much more successful, even if it was not what the child had hoped. This is both because the information on which the best-interest determination was made is more complete, and because when the child is made an active participant in the decision about the placement, they are better prepared for it and more willing to make it work.

Also, sometimes children can bring up solutions that none of the adults involved had considered yet, but which is far preferable to the options on the table up to then. Everyone can benefit from child participation.

Plus, allowing a child a voice in decisions that will turn his life upside down, is really the very least we can offer him.

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